baby it's cold outside

I can honestly say that it has been quite a year so far, year 2008. I've been experimenting around, testing my limits, and exploring new boundaries.

I started off the year with the passing of my two friends, both of whom I had a strong friendship with at the beginning, but as time passed by, our friendship disintegrated. (RIP Tinh Do & Chris Pizarro) I was fortunate enough to attend Tinh's funeral on that windy and rainy day. I wasn't sure if the overall funeral was making it hard for me to breath or the burning inscents. I figured it was a combination of both so I went outside by myself for a moment alone. It was refreshing, enticing, or I don't ..this feeling of freshness I gained from my surroundings. It was still pouring and the crisp cool air brushed against my cheeks and it was quite a sensual experience. Unfortunately, I was able to pay my respects to Tinh but not Chris. I hope he understands because of the situation I was going through at the time of his viewing. They were both great guys and even though I didn't put forth much effort to spend time with them when our friendship was fading, I'll still savor the good times.

This also was the year that I began to push my limits with my parents and decided to sneak out. My first attempt was successful as I was able to come home at 6AM but the second time, not so much. I was caught redhanded and owned up to my parents. The consequence of my actions cost me both friendships. Both friendships that I hold closely and dearly to my heart. As corny as that may be, I was crushed, broken, and definitely feeling lost that weekend because of the precedents my father set. Things will never be the same between the three of us and it sucks that it had to take such an experience as that to ruin our friendship.

As for academics, I finished the first semester off with all A's and one B+ in AP Comp/Lang(which still counts as an A weighted). I suppose the A- I recieved in AP US History cancels out the B I recieved in spanish 2 in sophomore year so as of right now, I believe I have about a 4.0 weighted. Shrugs because my SAT scores are whatever and I will definitely be taking them again. I want to score 2000+ which is a little ambitious but whatever, we will definitely see then.

I recently learned about my grandma's sickness(the C word) and it hasn't really hit me yet. Am I close to her? When I was younger, I was extremely close and drawn to her over my parents. She took care of me and was a great grandma, until I entered my teenager years and my mother felt that it was appropriate to fill my head with bad information about my grandma. All the information built up and the final product, I think, was resentment, which is quite a shame. Well, oh well about this for now...

I' have been living for 16 years and 11 months, which means that my 17th birthday is coming up. Last year I threw a sober party and recieved good feedback on the party. I definitely enjoyed celebrating my birthday last year but this year, I am quite apathetic towards doing anything for my birthday, which is a shocker, because I am one to be all over planning my birthday celebrating. I thought about taking a weekend trip to Half-moon Bay and rent out a hotel, basically have a good time away from San Jose. Yeah, I suppose that is asking for a bit too much so I was browsing around for a party bus, which is a litle too much to ask for too. This year, I prefer something more close and intimate, but no dinner celebration. I don't know, what to do for my birthday this year.

Yesterday I hung out with Toogle and was able to browse for cars online and go mini-job hunting. I would sacrific celebrating my birthday for a car this year. Six months w/ a license did me no good. I hate to depend on others for rides . In addition, I hope I will get a call for a job I applied to.. as well. I hope it isn't too much to ask for this year for my birthday. A car and a job. Two gifts that will allow me to be more independent.

Well, I am supposed to be having lunch with my father and sister right now, but the lunch got postponed to 1PM. -__-;;

xoxo

Jessika